Dialogues by Dawn Field, Phd

What follows is an email exchange from last November… Dawn called these ‘Dialogues’, a device she was developing to help writers with their structure.

If you read through to the bottom, what you’ll see is a writer developing her story—the initial idea to a much more developed second version. Dawn was a fast writer in that sense.

Wed 11/6/2019 10:12 AM
From Dawn Field unityinwriting@gmail.com
To William Evans billedevans@gmail.com

Good luck in Richmond. I grew up there, but just can't go back somehow...I tried to go to the James River Writer's Conference -- did you go by any chance? You should think about it :-)

I did another dialogue! First go at it...still reading the book. But Dialogues give me a lot of freedom I don't usually have to dip into things 'a bit' but not at length...

The “Great Writing” Dialogues: A close read of the book "A Man Called Ove"
Two developmental editors find and discuss “standout” features.

The best way to learn to write is to read. Not just read, but close read. Not just once slowly and looking for how a book is put together, but again and again.

Oh, I'm just starting the book, "A Man called Ove"

Oh, what a great movie. Brilliant. What a huge Swedish export.

Yes, I've been meaning to read the book for ages. I'm five chapters in. I had a really hard time starting.
Why?

You know–elements.

Ah, weren't the same as the movie somehow?

Exactly, I love the first scene in the movie when he buys flowers for his wife’s grave, and in the book he's trying to buy a computer and he doesn't really know what one is. I just couldn't get into it. I like the character too much. But after about 5 false starts, I put aside time and got into it. So glad to be in now. The second chapter is right in step with the start of the movie–Ove doing rounds.

(Smiles thinking of the movie.) I remember. Ove’s great act of responsibility. The cat, walking the neighborhood, kicking signs.

! Once you know the story, you see all those ‘planting seeds.’
(Read a book twice to see them)

And there is a true stand out feature, right from the start.
(Big smile of anticipation. The best part of developmental editing is finding the great features–let’s call these the stand out features–the something special an author adds.)

Fredrik Backman, the author, has got this unique way of “elaborating,” let’s say. He presents a phrase, then defines it in a really unique way. Here’s an example.
“…and shoved his hands in his pockets in that particular way of a middle-aged man who expects the worthless world outside to disappoint him.”

See that? The phrase ‘shoved his hands’ is expanded. He keeps doing this. It's his stand out pattern from the get go.

Or:
“…shakes his head in disbelief, as if he’s just witnessed the sales assistant walking around the counter and licking the glass-fronted display cabinet.”

Oh, that one is funny!

Yes, humor is his other stand out feature from the get go. Here’s a great description – the first we learn of NNN, the other main character:
“…she’s either very pregnant or suffering from what Ove would categorize as selective obesity.”

(Laugh. Nods.) You can just see one of those super pregnant women who otherwise doesn’t have an extra ounce of fat.

I see great elements everywhere. The writing is rich and readable.

Oh! Look at all your circling, and underlying and annotations in the margins! Your method of ‘red pen praising.’

The biggest standout feature, is Ove’s love for his wife. Here’s an ‘I love this!” “He was a man of black and white. And she was color. All the color he had.”

Oh, stunning. Really memorable. A “summer-upper,” I call them.

(Nods.) Great basis for a story. So relatable and heartwarming.

A single sentence paragraph, followed by a two sentence paragraph. Really makes the message stand out.

And it gets better:
“The only thing he had ever loved until he saw her was numbers.”

What a great description of his character. You can guess loads of things about his just from those few words.

And even better. Guess the clincher at the end of chapter 5?

He repeats it?

Yes! He uses it again as the end of the chapter. And we remember exactly where we’ve heard it before. Right before it he uses a flash forward to set up the book:
“Then one morning he boarded a train and saw her for the first time. That was the first time he’d laughed since his father’s death. And life was never again the same.”

Another single sentence paragraph for emphasis.

What a love story. Really stands out.

That’s still the best objective measure of a great read and a novice one, don’t you think. It’s the only ‘rule’ that truly matters. It’s not exactly what you mark up as great, but how much of it there is to mark up.

And especially the presence of stand outs.

And I’m just getting started!

________________________________________
On Wed, Nov 6, 2019 at 3:37 PM William Evans <billedevans@gmail.com> wrote:

Good luck.

Sent from my iPhone

On Nov 5, 2019, at 9:35 PM, Dawn Field <unityinwriting@gmail.com> wrote:

Good the dog is happy again! Whew!

I finished the article and will submit and see :-)

Thanks again
Sent from my iPhone

On Nov 5, 2019, at 9:18 PM, William Evans <billedevans@gmail.com> wrote:

How the heck do you type on an iPhone? I started this on the damn thing and gave up when I pushed the 'send' or some other button. I used to sit at a desk facing a monitor of awesome dimensions, so I missed no email. Now I miss lots; sorry.

Tell your editor to chill. No, no, no–not what I meant. Editors are wonderful!!!! sometimes...

Maybe your fictional editor is an arch persona like Ms. Manners to give her shots at humor? Judith Martin had a strong run with that. Third person gives you lots to say–always with distance.

Write it straight so you don't lose track of the thing, then play with it?

B

Layla's back to yelling at the cats and raccoons. Hope dogs don't go to hell when they die...

I'm traveling to Richmond tomorrow, so if you hear nothing more blame it on Steve Jobs.

Sent from my iPhone

On Nov 4, 2019, at 11:29 AM, Dawn Field <unityinwriting@gmail.com> wrote:

All good ideas–this type of piece could go in all directions, but in general, people like positive advice–not negative–hence–she did it right unknowingly instead of all wrong–that was a design choice...but future ones could go through improvements :-)

as for characterization–um, that would actually require some imagination! I do say she started reading dystopian in high school and now it's 10 years later :-)

but this is the point–should I develop up headers, or take these character through the whole read? Or a bunch of characters in this editors 'office'–or–who knows :-) Just starting and seeing where it is going...and trying to decide if I can get it past my editor at BookBaby or not :-)

The aeration thing was a total eureka -- amazing now

I'd love to see where you are on BIG! I'm STILL trying to explain it–thinking some dialogues might help with these harder topics :-)


On Mon, Nov 4, 2019 at 5:23 PM William Evans <billedevans@gmail.com> wrote:
The idea of creating a conversation is a good hook. It might draw in readers who'd otherwise not be interested.

Is there a way to give the newbie writer more character? Is she a teenager? A grandmother who likes reading stories? Not the point of the article, but giving some back story might distinguish the two characters–or write this in the first person from a fictional editor?

What if the new writer doesn't have an intuitive sense of story (perhaps the 3 act structure isn't clear), or relies too much on clichés, what changes in the piece? Does it give the editor too much dialogue?

All just ideas, though they may take you too far away from the point of the article, in which case, I never sent this.


Hope you fall is good. I also just saw your earlier comment on aeration. I'm still working on BIG.

Just joined NetGalley. Did a first review of a crime thriller.
Bill


On Mon, Nov 4, 2019 at 9:39 AM Dawn Field <unityinwriting@gmail.com> wrote:

Hello! If you have a moment for a writerly consultation :-) I have written 100 writing articles and am always looking for fresh horizons :-) I seem to be gravitating towards writing 'in dialogues'–I have never done this before, but it comes quite naturally for getting at certain topics that are hard to triangulate otherwise (or in a tradition 1000 word 'essay' article)

If you have a moment, and can look at this draft, can you say if dialogue might be appealing to you–or horrible :-) Or somewhere in between?

Perhaps the content is good, but the dialogue distracting?

Or the dialogue a great idea, but the content lame :-)

Any opinions welcome as I try to decide how-if to take 'dialogue articles' forward :-)

Hope all is good with you in WritingWorld :-)

best,
Dawn


A first discussion with a developmental editor: what’s your midpoint?

So, you’ve finished your first book. Congrats!

Yes, I’m really pleased. I’ve been working on it forever, and I’m not sure if it’s any good. I started it on a lark one year in NaNoWrMo [National Novel Writing Month] and it was terrible. But the story stuck with me and kind of grew. I just had to go back to it again. It’s been years now, but I think I got it.

Well, I’m happy to read it and give detailed feedback.

Yes, that would be great. I’ve had friends read it and like it, but I’d like to see what an editor says. I’d like to self-publish it.

Great. Do you want me to read it all the way through or we do it piece by piece?

How would the latter work?

I call it a serial read. You send a scene, or a chapter, and I give you feedback. You can then take as long as you like to get me the next piece. If you want to make changes, feel free. If you are ready to send the next bit do.

Oh, that’s like a serial publication–Poe and many other famous writers did that when magazines were in their heyday, didn’t they! I would love that, because then I know at each point if I’ve kept your attention.

Yes, exactly. I will look in detail at the structure. This is the best way to think about and larger-scale edits you might want to make.

I know nothing about novel structure. I’ve just been carrying around this story for ages and I wrote it down.

Well, from the first page you sent me it seems you know a lot about story as it starts in medias res–a girl is working in a field and she is attacked by an alien ship!

Yes, that’s the twist on the genre. She is one of the aliens, but one brought her as a slave from another star system. At least that’s what she thinks.

Hmmmm. Seems like you’ve given this a lot of thought. She is your lead character?

Yes, she’s the lead, but there are two storylines. Hers and the captain of the alien ship. He wants her dead.

Oh!

I wanted to write a coming of age story about a special girl. She lives in a horrible world after aliens landed and took over the earth.

Don’t say any more. I see you don’t yet have a book synopsis or a teaser or I’d refer to it now and ask you a bunch of questions. That can come later. But right now, you have a choice about how much you tell me about your story.

You can either tell me the basics of the story and I use that as a roadmap for the read, or you can tell me nothing and you see if I get what you meant.

Oh. Well, I just mean to tell you that it’s a very horrible world and the point is that she wants to help fix it–and what she does is the story.

Ah, so you are writing YA in the dystopian world genre. That’s great. It’s is a real growth area. That’s what you read most?

Yes, somehow I got into that niche back in high school and really enjoy it. So, I wrote the kind of book I wanted to read. It is ten years later, but better late than never.

Super. You have a great idea of what’s on the shelf, what readers are used to and what might be novel to them.

Maybe. Well, I hope so.

Did you write it with a 3 Act Structure in mind?

Ah…no. I don’t really know any theory of writing. Should I have?

Well, if it’s a traditional novel, yes, if it’s more experimental, you have more leeway.

I wanted it to be a page-turner like the books I read.

Okay, that sounds like 3 Act Structure. Let me ask you a question. What happens at your midpoint?

You mean the middle of the book?

Yes, I see your book is 70k long which is a great length for a novel, especially YA. So what happens around word 35k?

Um…let me think.

Just open your draft and let’s take a look.

Oh! It’s the moment she finally realizes she is human, after all. Oh, I gave away the twist!

That is genius. See? You are doing classic story structure extremely well!

But how? I’ve never been trained! I don’t know it!

You apparently do! You must read a lot. You have absorbed the structure intuitively. That is great. It means you are likely to have absorbed a lot of other great devices as well.

I guess we will find out. I’m really looking forward to sending you my first chapter.

Superb. You sound like a pro. Your style is also very good. I don’t think I’ll have much to comment on if the whole book is written as well as this first page. I just be looking at story structure and substance.

Okay.

Do you use cliff hangers?

Yes, at the end of most chapters.

Terrific. I can’t wait to get started.


Dawn Field, PhD