Evans’ Rag

Vol 2 Issue 28

Getting Caught Up on Email

The following email received this week were gently edited for content and amusement. None are made up.

Mon, Jul 13, 11:19 AM

Re. Highly recommend personal trainer for indoor or outdoor workouts

I highly recommend our personal trainer, [redacted]. She'll bring indoor or outdoor dynamic workouts to your home that will allow you to build your strength and prevent injuries. (See attached photo of all my ankle, knee, wrist, etc. braces that I put in storage because I don’t need them anymore!)

My husband and I have been meeting with [redacted] twice a week for two years. (I think he’s been seeing her on the side as well to work out his man kinks.) My husband's back pain has decreased, and his strength and flexibility have improved. I have reduced the frequency of my tennis injuries thanks to the dynamic warm-up and stretch routine [redacted] gave me. I am now winning matches and can play more often. [redacted] has taught both of us how to release muscle tightness and reduce soreness. My husband smiles a lot more, too.

[redacted] has a deep understanding of human physiology and how everything is connected. For example, I told her that I was feeling sore on the inside of my ankle. She released tightness on the outside back of my knee, my foot, toes and my ankle felt better…what??

[redacted] can teach you corrective exercises that you can use on your own, she can help you recover from injuries and build stability and correct posture. Also learn proper breathing techniques to do your favorite activities properly.

[redacted] is very careful and takes all necessary precautions—including for Covid, she can do workouts indoors or outdoors. Or on the dining room table.

She is currently running a special for Lake Barcroft residents, see below. Though it’s a total lie that my husband said he loves [redacted] more than me!

Sincerely
[redacted]

Mon, Jul 13, 12:59 PM
We highly recommend Shahrokh Shahverdi, DC, CCSP - We can’t pronounce his name, but we have known him for years. He is located in the medical building at the corner of Sleepy Hollow and Ichabod. He has a speciality [sic] in sports medicine, does preventive work, and it will be the most relaxing 45 minutes experience you have ever had—with a chiropractor. He is also a kind and knowledgeable human being! [Not a borg, thank god!]

Mon, Jul 13, 2020, 8:11 PM

Hi everyone,
Checking if anyone has a stand up paddle board they'd be willing to part with/sell.
Feel free to text [redacted] or email.

Thanks!!!!

Mon, Jul 13, 8:52 PM
Had a typo in there, I just need a paddle!

Tue, Jul 14, 9:25 AM
Re. Skybell video doorbell
I switched to a different model that is more compatible with the rest of my house systems. The unit comes with two adjustment wedges so you can really tune the angle of the unit whether on a flat or perpendicular surface. [But can you mount it on your drone?] Skybell is great because it does not charge for it's recording and DVR services.

And it’s NSA approved, would you believe. Asking $100 o.b.o

Mon, Jul 13, 8:03 PM
ISO Siemens Government Technologies contact
Hello, if any one knows of a person at Siemens Government, would you please contact me directly. In brief, I was looking for a contact point to approach the company [and now he’s lost his security clearance, having a ethical struggle, getting desperate?] and I can give more detail as needed.

Thank you,
[definitely redacted]

Age of the Automobile