Recent Sociology Study
A recent sociology study revealed an intricate, until-then undiscovered communications web had self-seeded, largely undetected by the outside world. In a small enclave nestled around a former water reservoir long since converted into a prim housing area for middle-aged humans from a variety of callings and backgrounds, the community’s truly curious denizens had, to the great surprise of the researchers, deployed a clever adaptation of a kind of social media for old-farts.
The researchers discovered an odd capacity among these seemingly ordinary people (and it was stressed that they were not a homogeneous subculture nearly as much as they were a curious amalgam of nationalities, educational backgrounds, incomes, sexual persuasions, even hair colorings) for sharing sensitive and very important items and information among themselves. Far better than twittering, long-winded text messages, or good heavens, phoning it in. The researchers went to great lengths to confirm this distinguishing fact. Though they were largely unable to determine why these sharings were considered so important, or to what possible use they could be put to.
While the greater Washington metropolis went about the usual dodging electric scooters and fat skateboarders past an age they could be described as ‘cute boys,’ campaigning for causes such as boll weevil extractions and being stuck in all-day traffic jams on the Beltway, this small warren apparently spent their days–and well into most evenings–sharing singular, nay even stirringly simple actions, trading on a mutual affection for useless stuff, like the 20th Century philosopher George Carlin used to point out.
The researchers carefully plugged into this live, Twitter-like social interaction network, not giving themselves away as scientists, nor actively engaging in what these natives went about doing, blissfully unaware (much like the birds of the Galapagos) of their being monitored. The following is excerpted from the study, soon to be published in an obscure scientific journal devoted to under-reported phenomena. What amazed the researchers most was the fact these exchanges took place over a single weekend. One has to be impressed with the single-minded focus these people had in the midst of a world gone batshit crazy.
“There was a tall brown dog running around on Farm Drive a few minutes ago, near Crosswoods. He’s playful and sweet. If the owner would like to call me, I can try to keep him nearby until you get here.”
“Do you have a frisbee dog? Or want to play frisbee? We have a free purple Petco frisbee.”
“The ICON movie theater in Tyson’s has free movies, drink and popcorn through tomorrow. Validated parking. Download the ICON EXTRAS app for times. Very comfortable HEATED leather recliners. Much better than AMC!”
“I think this is an interesting perspective on the meaning of a billion dollars. No political comment is intended, just the wow factor: the total value of all homes in [the community] is roughly one billion dollars.”
“FOR SALE: 2005 Cadillac Deville, White, just over 100,000 miles. Good Condition. Asking $2500.”
“This unit operates well, but one of the vegetable hydrators condenses and fills with water occasionally. However, it does not leak outside of the fridge. It’s free to anyone that wants it. You’ll need to pick up and haul away.” [Editor’s Note: I think it was a frig.]
“Several neighbors are able to use the cat food I posted about. Someone was supposed to pick up today; but it’s now 5 pm so I guess it’s now first come first serve (while it’s still light outside). Items are at my front door.”
“Small kids golf bag and a few clubs with wiffle balls for practice.”
“Echo gas weed eater. Great condition but would need a tune up as it hasn’t been started in a while.”
“That's the 3rd volume in the "Teachings of Don Juan" c. 1970, by Carlos Casteneda. If you've got a used copy, no matter how dog-eared, I'd like to buy it. If you have one I can borrow for a week or so, that'd be great, too.” [Editor’s Note: Normally it only takes a day or so for the magic mushrooms to wear off–that’s what I’ve heard, anyway.]
“Great morning with the new Birding Group! Here are two photos of raptors I saw during the outing! Are both red shouldered hawks?” [Editor’s Note: I wouldn’t know a red shouldered hawk from a pink-eyed peyote user, but Larry’s got a sharp eye for the wildlife.]
photo by Larry Golfer, 2020 https://www.flickr.com/photos/larrygol/
Photo by Larry Golfer, 2020 https://www.flickr.com/photos/larrygol/
“Does anyone have or have used the Emeril LaGasse air power fryer? If so which size fryer and would you recommend one? Looks great on TV so am curious. Thanks.”
“After listening to some of Louise Farrenc piano pieces I am infatuated with her music. So, I am trying to put together a GloBeat episode paying homage. For the first time Google, YouTube, Dicogs , Amazon, Apple have failed me. I find it difficult to believe that no one has ever recorded any of her songs! Please prove me wrong!”
“We just bought a Scuf Gaming Controller for our son and he loves it however, he also received a $100 gift card to Scufgaming.com that we now don’t need. We’ll trade you our $100 gift card to Scuf Gaming for $60 cash or Amazon gift card. We’re in need of a new headset.”
“Solid wood; bought unfinished and painted white. Free at end of driveway. Will post when claimed.” [Posted in response to the following:]
“The combination of a county average 2.96% increase in assessed real estate values, and a 3 cent increase in the tax rate, results in a 5.6% increase in county property tax revenue. This is at least questionable given that inflation has been under 2.5% since 2011.”
“Used only a handful of times, in good working order. Will also include 23 hot cocoa pods and a pod rack. $20 obo.”
“Free firewood...!!!! Logs are cut to perfect fireplace size... just needs to be split.....”
Just can’t get any better than this…
“4 like glass on right 4 like glass on left”
“Standing /floor easel for adults? I am looking for one for painting at home or outdoors. In case someone has an old one to give away or sell, please kindly let me know.”
“Hi, the cabinets are spoken for 😀” [Editor’s Note: posted in response to this previous post minutes earlier.]
“Good morning 😃. Before I put these on Craigslist I am wondering if anyone in our neighborhood could use either/both of these oak cabinets. I am downsizing.“
“Hi – Unfortunately something has come up and my husband and I will not be able to attend tomorrow's bird watching trip. Please invite us to the next one and I apologize profusely!!”
“Hi, we are looking for anyone selling firewood.”
“I’m looking for a painter to do two rooms in the house.”
“Bernie Sanders rally in Springfield on Saturday, February 29”
“...And tomorrow Morning starting at 9am, Mike Bloomberg will be at the Hilton in Tysons.”
“Got someone! Thanks everyone for the great support!!!” [Editor’s Note: posted in response to this previous post.]
“I'm home with two sick kids. They both have prescriptions ready at CVS. I don't want to have to bundle them up and bring them with me to pick up the meds. Would happily pay $50 for someone to run this errand - BUT, pharmacy closes at 8pm, so it really has to be right now!”
“Free at the end of drive: foam play mat squares, yellow plastic bib, yellow floaties, yellow swim school swim aid for baby. Sunshade swim tent for baby (Please don’t take the tub!)” [Editor’s note: leave the baby, too, please.]
“Looking to give away a desk-in good shape just no room for it anymore.”
“Folks, Once again, much afoot in Mason District, with many opportunities to get out and about....so be sure to wash your hands often (!!), especially if you can come to the Community Engagement Meeting at the Station on Tuesday evening. ...all this, and Dr Seuss’s birthday too!”
Looking for a home.
“Ain't pretty or new. It works, we just don’t use it. It's been blown over a few times so its cap has some bends on it. A critter set up a nest around the burner and chewed through part of the ignition cord. I used a BIC torch lighter to test it after I cleaned out the nest. Runs fine.” [Editor’s Note: the squirrel wasn’t too tasty, though.]
“I've received SPAM calls at both my home and office numbers. I've been getting them for months. They are relentless.
When I was in the telecom biz, I didn't mind them because I assumed some carrier was making money off these calls and someday I'd be able to retire.
But now that I'm not in the biz, they are just a PITN!!
[Editor’s Note: The 'N' stands for ‘noggin’? ‘nuts’? - sorry, that was the squirrel from the last one. I’m terribly sorry; you want to speak to who?]
“This handsome kitty is in our yard and we were just wondering if it’s someone’s. We were worried it was lost.
[Editor’s Note: George Carlin get the last word on cats but the cat gets the last photo.]
“Cute little kittie cat!” Looking for love in all the wrong places…